Happy Holidays!

Score!

At the start of every week, I try to deny myself visits to the vending machines at work. If I'm not successful on Monday, the rest of the week is shot (I'm not about to do this half-assed- every day of the week or none at all.)
So, this morning, being Tuesday (Monday was a bust) I stop at the machine on my way to my office. I pop my 50 cents into the machine and make my selection (peanut m&m's). I grab my fix and turn to leave when I hear the machine behind me making a familiar cha-ching sound- as if it was making change for me (change that was not due as I'd given EXACT change)
I inspect the change slot and there's 4 quarters. I've not only gotten my m&m's for free, but now I've even made a little money. I decide to try my luck again and put in 2 more quarters. This time I purchase Reeses pieces and I wait for the machine to yield my prize. But no luck, the machine spits out my candy and nothing more. Oh well, it was a fun stretch. And for all you kind spirited, honest people out there- don't worry, karma will find me and kick my ass- or at least add a dimple or two...

For Teri and Tessa

It's that time of year again....

When I follow my husband into store after store Christmas shopping. I hate Christmas shopping. My husband is always trying to find just the right gift for our loved ones. I'm trying to get in and out of the store and get home. I wish there was such a thing as a "get out of Christmas free" card. Since there isn't, I'm stuck in line behind my husband at the department store.
It was in this line that my memory, which usually sucks, decides to shine and throw out a nugget of recollection. We had finally decided on a gift for my brother in law and his fiance. After what seemed like hours of shopping, we had decided that a gift of Ralph Lauren towels (on sale, of course) would be an appropriate gift for the young couple. I was thrilled to be standing in line, imaging what the rest of my day might be like now that this shopping excursion was almost over. But that's when my memory, which I thought for sure I'd destroyed years ago, starts to tug at my conscience. I start having memories of another holiday, maybe a birthday, that we'd given this same brother in law the same gift. Motherfucking towels! Ugh! I'm in line, almost at the check out, almost free, but we're about to give him the same lame ass gift again.
Damn my memory, but if you think I was giving up this tid bit of info, think again! I had worked too hard to get to that check out line to just give up. I feel guilty over this omission, but at the moment, I had no other choice but to tuck that turd back into my memory bank, hopefully to never resurface again. So, we're giving the gifts of towels (again) but really... can you ever have too many towels??

My poor poopy pants

My poor little girl has been having adult sized shits and she's not too happy about it. It started about a month ago when we were all cuddling on the couch and she let out a scream as if she'd just been stabbed, turns out she was trying to pass a GIGANTIC turd. I figured she'd been eating too many veggie puffs or too much rice cereal, so I cut back on starchy foods and added some more fruits (prunes, mostly) and some juice (again with the prunes.)
So, her shits return to normal for a few weeks, but we had a bit of a set back this week. Twice already myself and raising 2 kids has had to "assist" in her bowel movements. I never thought I'd be holding onto to a piece of poop, guiding it from someone's bum. I suspect there are going to be lots of things that I never thought I'd be doing throughout the course of my daughter's life. That's the love of a mother, I guess.
I called her pediatrician who recommended a sitz bath, they said it would relax her muscles and let her go more easily. I don't think she'd have a problem relaxing her muscles if she wasn't trying to push out the titanic, but I'll try it. I'll also continue to give her lots of fruits and veggies and other things that might make her poop...
My poor little girl. To see the look of fear and confusion on her young face as she bears down just breaks my heart. She's got to be thinking WTF?? I know I am.

There's a moment in the middle of the night when I can hear the rustling in the crib next to me. I freeze and wait for the moment to pass or force me out of bed. I freeze because I think if she doesn't hear me move, she won't know I'm there and maybe she'll return to a peaceful slumber. That almost never works because she knows where ever I am her cry will summon my appearance. When she truly needs me (or simply wants me) I am there for her and I love those moments. It's those twilight times that I especially enjoy, even though I'm exhausted, it's when she's the most still and therefore the most cuddly. She's not squirming to get down and practice her new mobility skills or wanting to explore her environment. She's sleepy and wanting the comfort of my squishy lap to help get her back to sleep.
That's not to say that I don't love her waking moments- I do, they're just different. When she's awake and discovering something new (which is all the time) I love the amazed look on her face.
I love to see her crawling about and stop at a spot on the rug and touch it with her finger. It's usually not anything but a slight variation in the carpet itself, but she noticed the difference and has stopped to investigate.
She is becoming such an individual with very defined likes and dislikes. To think that just a year ago, I was only 6 months pregnant, barely showing and now I have this little person who only wants to eat these wagon wheel things that Gerber makes. It amazes me everyday.
She loves peek-a-boo also. She likes to take a blanket and pull it up over her face. I ask "where's A?" and she drops the blanket and I act all surprised- she gets the biggest kick out of that... I love it.... in the words of Bob- any better, I couldn't stand it... :)

Spelling Bee Chump

Another new girl at work. She's very nice, like the mean talker, but much better on the phone. Her particular area of weakness is spelling. Here are some examples: (see if you can decifer what she's trying to spell- she's fa-net-ick-ly correct, but oh so wrong!)
skruws
rumitoid
thurst
dabites (diabetes)
mentalpause (menopause)
There are more, but I can't think of any right now..... must be a mentalpause moment!

I was cut off by a pedestrian this weekend which nearly caused the person behind me to crash into my backseat. I was driving through lovely downtown Dover when this man walking on the sidewalk crossed the street in front of me. He used the crosswalk like a good pedestrian, but didn't even look to see if anyone was coming. I think that's a rule for successfully crossing the streets- looking both ways.
He did it so seamlessly, too, without missing a step- from the curb to the crosswalk. I had to slam on the brakes so I wouldn't hit the stupid fucker causing the car behind me to also slam on their brakes. This caused their tires to squeal at which point the pedestrian looked up and gave me a nasty look because I had apparently interrupted his day dream. Argh!

Trick or Treat

Some states are trying to keep our kids safer on halloween (and what's not safe about sending your child to the door of a complete stranger begging for food). They're having all registered sex offenders report to a common location (town hall or police station) on the night of trick or treating, where they'll remain until all children are safely off the streets- approximately from 6-10:00.
I respect and commend the efforts of law enforcement to try and protect our children, but wonder just how effective their method is. According to the report I heard on the news there are no statistics that say more children are accosted by these predators on Halloween.
So why halloween? Aside from the obvious, I would think that Halloween would be the last choice for a sex offender to strike. Most kids travel in herds on halloween. I've opened my front door on many a Halloween to a small country of children chanting trick or treat with arms outstretched.
It just seems to me like kind of a lame attempt to remedy a serious problem. If these people can't be trusted around kids on Halloween, then what's to stop them from harming children on say... Flag day or Columbus day or any day for that matter?? Sounds like we need to start locking these pervs up on every holiday (or every day)... if that's the only way to keep our kids safe...

One-Armed Robbery

The producers of Extreme Makeover Home Edition are probably firing someone today. They were recently in Wells Maine giving a deserving family a new $500,000 log home (replacing the trailer they were once living in). The show is all about the water works. They pick a family who's overcome some sort of adversity in their lives or is some sort of pillar in their community and they build them a gigantic home. Their circumstances make the viewers cry and feel sorry for them and their situation. I always do, anyway.
The father in this family was a lobsterman who amputated his own arm when it became stuck in the winch on his boat several years ago. Ok, those are hard times. What the show doesn't mention are the hard times that this man "brought on himself," according to his ex-wife. She's talking about the jail time this man served for armed robbery and 2 drunk driving convictions.
How is that worthy of a home make over?? Where's my friggin home makeover?? I've never held a gun to a burger king employee and forced them into a freezer so I could rob them. I've never gotten behind the wheel after having too much to drink.
I know that people can make mistakes and that they can also pay for them, but I just think there are people more deserving out there... Like me. I'm very deserving and obviously quite jealous that they were just 30 minutes away from the nightmare I call home and they didn't even stop in to say hi! Hmpf. I guess the next time I find myself between a rock and a hard place, I'd better have my swiss army knife with me.... oh so bitter....

Why can't people have their shit together when they pull up to an ATM machine? You know you're going there- why can't you have your card ready instead of searching through all of your belongings at the last second. It drives me f-in crazy. I get 30 minutes on my lunch break. 30. To have to waste even 2 minutes of it makes me so mad that I want to ram my car into the car in front of me and push them right out of the ATM line.
Get yourself orgainized and then you can get back in line!

I've got nothing to say, I just love this picture of Oprah (the antichrist)

Yesterday raising 2 kids and ezili did a breast cancer walk with a ton of other people. It was windy and cold, but well worth the cause.
At one point during the walk a large group of people had taken a wrong turn. I commented on their direction to raising 2 kids, wondering why they were on the other side of the street. A voice behind me piped up saying "it's because they're going the wrong way" And with that something awakened in this stranger and his pace quickened as he sped past us, trying to reach this large group of misdirected charity walkers. He began to scream to the crowd, telling them they were going the wrong way. They were a bit ahead of us and only a few people turned when they heard this man shouting his pleas for them to go right instead of left. A few of them started to cross back over to the correct side of the street, but then went back with their walkers, probably in an effort to avoid this man who had become incensed with all these walkers who wouldn't heed his calls to correct their direction "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!! YOU NEED TO GO RIGHT, NOT LEFT" You'll fall off the planet if you go that way, my god man, you'll never find your way back! It was pretty crazy and left me wondering, who yells at a crowd of charity walkers? And who, who will not wear the ribbon?

I babysat my two nephews over the weekend. Raising 2 kids was off getting speeding tickets with her husband so I agreed to stay behind and watch the chillen'. It was fun. I hadn't babysat the boys in a long time and when I heard raising 2 kids other option for childcare, I insisted on going over. I of course had my little miss with me, so I had my hands full, or I had what raising 2 kids has every day of her life. I must say I don't know how she does it!

Managing the needs of 3 children is an art. Between diaper changes and refilling glasses (or bottles) of water or milk, doesn't leave a lot of time for anything else. Her oldest wanted to put together a puzzle of the United States. He was so proud to show me the state where they make movies and the state where Disneyland is. He also wanted to take a bath in the sink like his little miss cousin did, but we never got to that and thankfully he was ok with it. I was afraid he'd remember when it came time for bed and then have a melt down, but he didn't and I was happy.

Her youngest has energy I've never seen in anyone or anything. It's limitless and quite exhausting, but he's definitely not beyond reason. A couple of times I had to bring out the authoritative, don't mess with me voice, to which the oldest begged me not to tell his mother. I promised I wouldn't though I don't know what he thought I was going to tell her or what would happen to him if I did.

When it was time for bed (around 9:30- an hour later than what I'm used to) we all headed upstairs to their bedroom. My oldest nephew insisted on sleeping on the floor because he was afraid of dragonflies in the next room or something (he's got a fear of bugs.) I didn't argue as I saw there was already a sleeping bag set up on the floor at the end of his bed- clearly an issue already in progress. So, he sets himself up on the floor while the youngest crawls into his bed. I put my little miss on the bed that's been vacated by her older cousin and I sit on the floor between the 2 twin beds. I've got one arm holding my daughter on the bed to my right and I'm holding the youngest nephew's hand with my left. The oldest is the first one to sleep. Then my little miss. Then my youngest nephew slowly drifts off to dreamland. I've done it! I've put 3 small children to bed- they've all survived and they're all peacefully sleeping. I did forget to have them brush their teeth (sorry) but really, the fact that they're in bed and alive is enough to make me feel satisfied with the babysitting job I'd done. I don't know if this how raising 2 kids feels at the end of the day. I think I'd feel more like I had survived them and was happy to be alive and I'd most likely have a serious drinking problem.

Guess What

I've got the internet back (briefly) and I don't have much to talk about. My mom's still an anorexic in hiding. She told me last week, while hanging out at Raising 2 kids house, that my daughter's legs were slimming down. She's 7 months old and weighs under 16 lbs, what is she slimming down to? Is it more attractive if an infant looks malnourished? I just don't get it.
Gwentyh Paltrow is reportedly having another baby- wonder if she'll have another fruit or perhaps a vegetable this time? Maybe a Squash or an Asparagus...
The mean talker always gets the nastiest people on the phone. She doesn't know what's up with that. Hmmm...
I'm entered to win a safari to Africa ( I was caller # 7 with the correct answer to their trivia question- thanks Ask Jeeves). I wonder if my boss would give me the time off and if raising 2 kids would watch my kid. How many shots in my ass would I need for a trip like that? Yikes.
I have to go to somewhere in MA for 3 days next week for system administration training (the top of the bottom of the barrel) I don't want to go, but I can't get out of it.
What's up with the Avian bird flu? Does anyone else want to kill chickens just because??

It's only rock n' roll (but I like it)

I like the new Rolling Stones song and something about that makes me feel old. I don't know if it's because they're a band from the 60's that I used to listen to when I was a little kid or if it's because they themselves are in their 60's. I also feel like it's not keeping me current, like listening to a band whose time has come and gone dates you or keeps you from moving forward. I used to always think my parents were stuck in a time warp with all their hippy music and Me and Bobby Mcgee crap. Am I becoming my parents? Is that what makes me feel old? Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about it. Maybe when my daughter is my age she'll love listening to new songs by REM or The Cure... hey, it could happen!

Who's the friggin cheapskate?

Just an addendum to something that raising 2 kids wrote about recently regarding the cheapskate housekeeper at work. She's not only cheap, but she's a stingy, sly business woman as well. The mean talker told me this morning how the housekeeper offered her some spring rolls one afternoon while making her rounds, something she has done a few times for our office. They're yummy and we all enjoy them. So, the mean talker patiently waits for the housekeeper to come back in with the spring rolls. She never returns, so she figures the housekeeper has forgotten. A few days pass and the housekeeper comes in with 2 containers of spring rolls- about 30 of them. She tells the mean talker that she has her spring rolls and owes her 50 bucks!! The mean talker had no idea that they made this kind of transaction. If you remember, sometimes things get lost in translation with the cheapskate, so apparently, she'd made a deal to buy 30 spring rolls for 50 bucks.... or did she??
So, raising 2 kids, don't you dare give her that handbag she's asked you to make or if you do, when you give it to her, tell her it's a hundred bucks... that was the deal, doesn't she remember?

Why do my dogs want to poop the second we get into a public place? It never fails. The moment we get out of the car invariably they decide it's time to crap. I'm not always the conscientious dog owner I wish I was, though. Sometimes I forget to bring a little plastic baggy to scoop up their poop. This is a major faux paus among dog owners, and rightfully so. There is nothing more irritating then being in a public place and squishing down on dog poo. It also sends the wrong message to non-dog owners who might not want my dog in their public area. So, if I want my dog allowed in these places, I clean up after them.
Usually my dogs are pretty discriminate about where they'll drop their doo. My black lab won't go in the same place twice, which makes it tough when you only live on a 1/4 acre. It forces you to pick up poo more often than you might like (not such a bad thing). My golden has no problem, in fact, she's a bit of an aficionado for the poo flavor (sorry Roslyn, this might not make a bunch of friends for you) but she actually eats crap. Means less mess for me to clean up, though, and those times when I've forgotten my little plastic bag... (just kidding)... It does mean no kisses from Roslyn, though!
One time while waiting to board a ferry in Long Island, Roslyn decides she has to go. Standing in line with other ferry-goers, she just does it, she spins around a few times (classic indication that she has to go) and craps right there in line. My husband had to leave his place on line for a few moments to get a plastic baggy from one of the ferry crew members. He was pretty embarrassed by the situation, I think mostly because he hadn't been prepared. Who knew the poop eating dog won't eat her own poop- I guess everyone has their limits...

Not a girl, not yet a woman (I'll say)

Just because you're old enough to procreate doesn't mean you should. I say this in response to the fact that Britney Spears is a mom. Did anyone see her show "Chaotic" on the WB or UPN? Well, if child protective services was watching they should have been in that delivery room ready to take that baby to parents who aren't complete idiots.
The show was "directed" by Britney herself (and when they say directed, they mean she held the video camera and followed her hubby/boyfriend where ever he went). For people tuning in to catch a glimpse of the pop star surely they were disappointed because all you saw was the back of Kevin Federline as he tried to outrun his stalker girlfriend.
Britney also appears to be pretty needy (surprise). Maybe a baby is just what she needs or just what Kevin needs- finally she'll have someone else to obsess over in the relationship!

Got milk?

For those of you wondering- yes, that is puke on her face... :)

Now I'm it...

Thanks Raising 2 kids in NH for tagging me... Let's see if I can remember- I spent a good part of my 20's somewhat inebriated...

10 years ago... I was living with my sister and her boyfriend (or rather her boyfriend lived with my sister and I- I don't know how he survived us).. I was working at home, smoking cigarettes like a chimney and trying to break up with my lame ass boyfriend...

5 years ago... My boyfriend (not the lame ass one I mentioned above) and I had just bought a house together... technically he bought it since my credit couldn't buy me a t-shirt, but I figured if we got married, it'd be 1/2 mine and if we didn't, I still needed to pay rent to live somewhere. I became an aunt to my favorite sister and was there to witness it (still one of the best moments ever)

1 year ago... I was pregnant wondering what the hell I was doing and where I was going to put a kid in my renovated nightmare... not much has changed there...

Yesterday I was boarding a ferry on Long Island headed to New London CT at 6:00 in the morning. I slept most of the way home, then when I got home, I slept some more...

Today I'm back at work after 4 days off and I have a lot of work to do but am not doing any of it.

Tomorrow- more of the same, though I suspect I'll have to get that work done- no more flaking off!!!

5 snacks I enjoy (this is easy) m & m's, french fries, salt n vinegar chips, caramel cremes and I guess I like grapes, too...

5 bands I know the lyrics to... Coldplay, Radiohead, REM, Bob Marley and I'm learning Johnny Cash...

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000... quit my job immediately!! buy all my friends and family their own homes, I'd give some to charity to preserve my karma, I'd do lots of traveling and take all my friends and family with me... I'd also pay for Lance Bass to go to space- think he still wants to go?

5 locations I'd like to run away to... I'd love to see Alaska, New Zealand, some tropical island- I don't care where, just some place the ocean's warm in the middle of February, I've never been to Amsterdam- I hear they have some great cafe's, and finally I've never been to NYC...

5 bad habits I have.... see above- the snacks I enjoy aren't doing much for my waistline, I probably drink too much- at least on the weekends, leaving EVERYTHING to the last minute, finishing people's sentences- mostly my husbands- this drives him nuts- but really, if you knew my husband, you'd want to finish his sentences too so the story would come to a friggin end, and I have got to kick that heroine habit- the track lines are getting out of control...

5 things I like doing... I love napping, watching tv, playing with my baby, hanging with my husband on our front porch drinking beer while the baby sleeps, taking my dogs swimming in the back yard...

5 things I would never wear... anything in style because of my lack of style, a bathing suit- ever again- unless I become anorexic/bulemic, but I guess even then I wouldn't be satisfied enough with my body to put on a suit, FMP (fuck me pumps)- my ankles are too big and yuck! I'm tired of these low-rider pants (when did the world become a size 0? I thought we were all getting fat)

5 shows I like.... I like re-runs of Seinfeld and Fraser, Scrubs, Arrested Development, Starved, In a Fix...

5 movies I like ( I never remember movies that I see, so here are some that I have)
Danny Deck Chair, The Station Agent, Big Fish, Dead Poet's Society, Terms of Endearment (cheesy kleenex sob fest)..

5 Famous people I'd like to meet... Ok, I'd like to meet Oprah, but only to kick her off her friggin high horse, Michael Hutchinson and Curt Cobain, but only to ask them why, Jon Benet- so I could ask her who done it, Monica Lewinsky- how'd she like smoking that big cigar? ewwwww!

5 biggest joys at the moment... despite what I post on my blog- my husband! Also, my daughter, my 2 nephews and the fact that Tom Cruise is looking like an enormous jack ass these days- that just tickles me!

5 favorite toys... ok here's 2- the dolphin diver and midnight black...

um, 5 people to tag... who ever happens to read this- you're it! (lame, I know)...

I'm back from my somewhat relaxing weekend in Long Island. I did end up having to work pretty hard on Sunday (my mother in law had the day off and was free to babysit :( I spent 7 hours painting ceilings and window trim and now I have this terrible crink in my neck that only goes away if I look up.
Thankfully we only worked a short 7 hour day so that we could attend a Labor Day family BBQ. Just try and keep my husband away from free food and beer! The BBQ was at a relative's just two houses down from my in-laws. It's an event they've hosted for years for all of the other ocean front property owners on their road, along with family. My mother in law wanted me to meet one of their neighbors and her baby Parker because she'd had her baby just 2 weeks after I'd had my daughter. Parker's mom AnnaLise (pronounced AHHNA-LISE) is an uptight, nutbag. She seems normal enough at first glance, but after spending a few hours with her, I realized that this woman was not put together properly. She's one of those people that blinks a lot and for a long time- especially if she thinks you've just said something she agrees with. She holds those eye lids down for an eternity while nodding her head in agreement. It's kind of creepy.
She's also one of those mothers who's terrified her baby will do something to embarrass her, like spit up or poop her pants. Parker's diaper was peeking out above her pants and AnnaLise was freaking out- "Parker honey, pull up your pants" she would say to her 6 month old as she reached over to give them a yank. It's not like her thong was showing or something. Then when I commented on how cute Parker was, her response- "oh, they're both cute" as if I was suggesting that Parker was cuter than my daughter.. Wierdo. I'm glad the weekend is over, or at least that part of it is.

I need an extreme makeover!

My baby is going to be mobile soon. That terrifies me. It would terrify you too, if you could see the shape of my house. It has been in a state of constant renovation since the moment we moved in 5 years ago. Currently we don't have a ceiling- or at least not the standard ceiling that most people see when they look up. The white, smooth sheetrocked ceiling is a memory to me. Instead we have what's left when you rip a ceiling down-the grid-like look of furring strips and wooden beams. I've gotten used to the look and even tried to convince myself that perhaps we could be starting a new trend in architectural design. However, the ceiling is not what concerns me with regards to my daughter's ability to do more than lay on her blanket, but it is an indication as to just how "in a fix" we are when it comes to home repair. We bit off more than we could chew and now we're choking.
My primary concern is actually the opposite of the ceiling- that's right-the floor. It's carpeted (ick) but in addition getting trashed by the renovation, it has also been attacked by my golden retriever. Roslyn is a sweet dog and I love her dearly, but she has destroyed what's left of our carpet. We'd taken down several walls in our home, which left the carpet frayed in some spots. Roslyn has taken to chewing on those frayed spots so that nail strips are visable and quite painful if you forget where they are at 2:00 in the morning. So, now we have a baby who wants to crawl around and explore her environment. How do I break the news to her? Sorry, your house is just far too dangerous for you to actually do more than sit or sleep. Why don't you wait to crawl on Monday when you go to the sitters? I know what you're thinking- pull up the nail strips, problem solved, right? I wish. I haven't even mentioned the hole under the couch- the hole that if you moved the couch would give you a direct view of my basement. Or the staircase with no handrail. Or the back deck with no handrail. Or the exposed electrical.
Maybe my story's not sad enough for extreme makeover, but it sure brings tears to my eyes!

What's with people backing into parking spaces? I got stuck in a parking lot yesterday waiting for someone to back into their parking space. They had to be perfectly straight, so back and forth, back and forth until it was just right. Is this supposed to be some kind of time saver so when they're ready leave they can just peel out of their parking space? I just don't get it.

Lowly low talkers

I'm here at work and these two co-workers are trying to have a private conversation 12 inches away from me. They're speaking so quietly, that if I didn't know they were right behind me, I might think I was alone. I don't know why I find this so bothersome- it's like a part of me feels a little insulted or left out. What could be so important that they can't speak in audible tones, or at least wait until they have a moment alone? And why do they feel they need to keep it from me? What are they trying to hide?
They're speaking so damn quiet that I can't even eaves drop!

I really am sad that Peter Jennings has passed away. News reporters just aren't what they used to be- they don't have the same kind of self respect and pride that they used to have. They'll seemingly do just about anything to give their story an extra edge. I was watching some nascar event on tv this weekend (only to see the race start- my husband thought it'd be some sort of thrill) and the commentator was sitting in the pit, dressed in a racing outfit! Why? Was he going to jump in when the car came to have his tires changed? Or did he just feel cool, like he was one of the guys down there in the pit? I'm all for dressing for the occasion, but come on- you're not making the report seem more authentic- you're making yourself look like an idiot!

Pinching pennies

We're trying to save some money and stick to a budget. We've never done well at this. The same applies to our health and recent attempts to make it better. We bought a treadmill when I was 8 months pregnant thinking that when I was on my 3 month maternity leave that I would use it to get my body back into the crappy shape it was in before I got pregnant. The only exercise I get on the treadmill now is when I dust it. So, our attempt to pinch pennies is just as insane. My husband will do better at this than he will about getting on the treadmill. He wants a plan to stick to, just not one that says he can't drink a 6 pack or order a cheese pizza. So, the other day after I've been to the grocery store and discovered all sorts of price chopping products, I go to the sink to do a couple of dishes, when I discover a ziploc bag sitting there full of soapy water. I ask my husband what he's doing with this and he tells me he's cleaning it so we can use it again. Uh, when did things get so bad that we can't spring for a 10 cent plastic bag? I don't want to discourage his effort at saving money, so I don't say anymore and I move the plastic bag out of the way so I can wash some dishes. What I should have done was use the soapy water in the recycled ziploc bag to wash my dishes. Correction, that's what he would have done.

When did I start thinking tattoos looked trashy? It wasn't when I was getting a couple of them, that's for sure! My mother warned me that they made you look easy- that it sent out the wrong message. I don't think mine say anything negative about me, but sometimes I see people and their tattoos and I think they look trashy. There's this girl who works in our building and today she had on a sun dress and the tattoo on her ankle made her look so cheap and kind of slutty. Maybe it's more her that projects that image and I'm incorrectly blaming the tattoos. I think that might be it, because really, I'm all for an appropriate amount of body art and I don't at all regret the ones I have. There's just something about big hair and too much make up combined with a smeared rose tattoo on either your ankle or chest that screams I'm a bit of a whore and desparate for attention! Sorry tattoo- it's not you that makes them trashy- they do it all on their own!

Who hired the mean talker?

There's a new girl at work and while I really like her, she's kind of rough on the phone. This wouldn't be so bad if 95% of our day wasn't spent on the phone. When I was first training her, I enjoyed talking with her, sharing stories about our kids and pets (and I still do-she's really a sweetheart. She's got a great sense of humor. She's very friendly- always bringing in cookies and other fattening goodies for us to enjoy. So, with that being said, it was time to cut her loose. Time for her to start working on her own- taking her own phone calls. With me sitting by her side, she takes her first call. It all started off nice enough. She answered professionally, introducing herself with"how can I help you?" I sit and wait to see what her first call would produce and while I can't hear the person on the other end of the phone, I can see the look of confusion on the new girl's face. Then it happens, the beast is awakened and in the most sarcastic and perhaps unprofessional voice I've ever heard she says "you want to know what?? I don't know if your insurance is going to cover this (guffaw) you have to find that out for yourself, that's not my job" Ouch! I think Seinfeld would say she's a mean talker. I know I'm not living a sitcom but it's like bizarro world or something....
She had to call someone yesterday and when she started speaking to the person on the phone, I guess she couldn't hear them very well because she asked if they had their tv on and if they did could they please turn it down? Now those are some baseballs! Yikes!

You bet your sweet aspercreme...

Contagious' recent posting made me think of this.
My husband will tell you how much I hate tv commercials. I just hate them. Whenever the program I'm watching breaks for commercials and I happen to be in possesion of the remote, I go channel surfing. I will end up watching 3 or 4 different shows at the same time to simply avoid commercials. My husband is the exact opposite. To him a tv commercial is a welcome break to sit and relax, contemplate life, get up to pee, whatever. So, when he's in charge of the remote, I have to suffer through the ads and wait for my show to come back on.
However, there has been an ad or two that's made me glad I didn't have the remote and the power to have changed the channel. One recently that I just loved was for a product called Aspercreme. I think it's a pain reliever of some sort. But they have this little jingle that's prefaced with a question like "will this work on your sore back?" And the jingle kicks in, answering the question- "you bet your sweet aspercreme!" l loved it! I don't know if the shades of white trash or the underlying vulgarity, but it's like being in the 5th grade knowing that you're getting away with something. Brilliant ad campaign, I thought, until the other day when I saw it again. They've taken out the catchy jingle and replaced it with something totally lame- "will this work on your sore back?" "it will if it's aspercreme." Whatever, someone obviously complained and they cleaned up their act, but I was very disappointed. I guess I'll have to wait to see it on Fox's funniest commercials or something....

You know what's funny?

Stupid people. Stupid people are funny. I've come to that conclusion recently in an attempt to stop being so bothered by them. If not for their stupid antics, I'd have so much less to laugh at.
This morning I was in the cafeteria at work trying to buy some skim milk out of one of those rotating vending machines to go along with my cheese danish. As the display spins around and I search for my container of skim milk, a voice behind me pipes up, "Are you looking for skim milk?" I turn to see the gray haired kitchen helper who stocks the vending machines sitting at a table eating corn flakes. She tells me the skim milk is right there, right in front of me- see the 1% carton? And she says it with such confidence that suddenly, I'm the one who feels stupid- it's practically skim, I guess, though I don't know if that was her point or that she truly doesn't get it. Maybe that's not necessarily a stupid thing as it is an age thing. My grandmothers idea of skim milk was mixing whole milk with powdered milk. Maybe it's skim if you have to "skim" powder residue off the side of your glass, I don't know, but I guess I shouldn't care too much if the person stocking the vending machine doesn't really understand the products she's stocking. I can laugh at her ignorance rather than be annoyed by it and perhaps find some comfort in the fact that my arteries are pumping skim milk instead of whole!