First school pics!

My little girls first official "school" pictures. Really, it's daycare and I worry that calling it "school" so early will give her justification someday when she screams she's been going to school her whole life!

Getting ready for winter!

I hate that winter is just around the corner and it was made even more clear to me this weekend when we began our rituals of getting the house ready for winter. It's pretty simple. It's basically removing the air conditioners. We purchased 2 new air conditioners this summer. They kick ass. We cooled our house to morgue-like temperatures. It was so refreshing. Usually we're stuck with fans on high uselessly pushing around hot air. This year was glorious!
The biggest AC unit that we bought was put in our living room window designed to cool the entire 1st floor (which is really our second floor since we have a walkout basement).. So, yesterday we decided it was time to take them out of the windows and seal up the house. We won't be turning on the heat in our house until probably December (if my husband has his way) so getting the AC's out of the window will somehow keep the heat our bodies are creating inside the house.
The first AC we decide to remove, is of course, the biggest, heaviest. I've been dreading the heavy lifting this was going to require. My husband, who is leading the project, tells me to come over open the window. He's got all 10 fingers resting firmly on the AC unit just below where the window comes down to hold it in place. There are no additional braces or supports. The window is the only thing holding this UNIT in place. So with all of his fingers and weight holding onto this one small space at the top of the AC, I'm directed to open the window. I do. And watch. In horror. As the MOST expensive cooling device we have, PLUMMETS to the ground 12 feet below. Then I listen. to the sound. of metal bending and breaking and my husband screaming profanity that I'm sure I'll hear my young daughter repeat in the most inappropriate of places. He immediately goes outside to finish the task of bringing it into the basement. He plugged it in and it turned on, so it might be saved. I hope so. And though I will only admit this to my sister, a part of me was happy that I didn't have to carry it to the basement. The outcome for me really couldn't have been any better! Is that so wrong??

Smile!

We are identical!

The other day I was at my sister's house when my husband called asking me to either pick up a few groceries or takeout on my way home. As I was leaving my sister's I called my husband on my cell to discuss our dinner options. I got the machine and proceeded to leave a rather whiny message 'it's me, are you there... I'm leaving my sister's, pick up the phone if you're there, hello, are you there, pleeeeeasssse pick up the phone, helllllllooooo?" He didn't answer, turns out he'd fallen asleep on the couch. Later that night as I'm putting my little miss to bed, I hear my answering machine and what I thought was my identical twin sister leaving me a message saying, are you there, pick up if you're there, hello... her voice sounded very panicked and I rushed down stairs with half asleep baby in tow to see my husband standing over the machine, just looking at it. We always screen our calls. "Pick it up" I yell, gees, can't he hear the desparation in her voice, there must be something terribly wrong. He turns and looks at me and says in the same tone I'd presented him with- "it's you, stupid." He was only now listening to the message I'd left earlier in the day. But it sounded so much like her... And we needed a DNA test to prove our zygosity!!

Daycare drama....

Today was the first day that I had to drop my daughter off at her new daycare. She started last Wednesday and my husband had been bringing her because of my early work schedule, but today was the first day that I was able to experience the horror and look of utter confusion as the daycare worker literally peeled her body from mine when it was time for me to leave. It was awful. As I fled the room like a coward, I turned back to see her face red and wet with tears and her mouth wide open but silent as she was gathering up air to make the next cry as loud as she could, a cry that would surely get her mother to think twice about leaving her with these strangers. I was out of the building before I could hear that cry. But not to worry, I have evey day this week and the next (and the next) to hear it. My husband gets the pleasure of picking her up, when she's happy to be leaving, no tears. I'm the one who abandons her every morning. If only I could make her understand that mommy needs to go to work so I can afford to pay for this expensive daycare... I'm being dramatic, I know, and I'm sure things will get better, it's just the shittiest feeling to be walking AWAY from your child when she's that upset. It just ain't right!!

Sleeping on air

I'm tired and even more tired of hearing my husband complain about how tired he is. My little miss still doesn't sleep through the night. It's a pattern I'm nurturing quite nicely. She goes to sleep initially pretty well, but usually wakes up around midnight and since I've never allowed her to learn how to fall asleep on her own, she cries and I bring her into bed with us. That's not enough, though and I figure after all those hours of sleep, she must be hungry, so I've got a bottle waiting bedside for her. While she's sucking that down we both fall back to sleep. All the while her father is snoring comfortably on the other side of the bed. Some nights I'll put her back in her crib just long enough for me to almost fall back to sleep and the process begins again- she cries, I bring her into bed, she drinks more milk. I usually end up having to get up during the night to fill another bottle because she'll be hungry again when she wakes after this next stretch of sleep.
I can't bring myself to let her cry it out, especially when I'm only 3 feet away from her- how cruel would that be? The pediatrician backed me up on this one- it's really not an effective method of training if you're in view of your screaming baby. Plus, I still stand by the whole, if they're crying they must need something and usually it's just me she needs- why would I want to deprive her of that? Maybe because she's depriving me of sleep. I don't know. Being a working mom sucks and totally plays me into a guilt ridden corner. She is so going to get anything and everything she wants based on the fact that I love her and feel like I'm failing her because I'm paying someone else to raise her.
So, while I'm awake, feeling all guilty, laying uncomfortably on one side so the baby has plenty of room to kick me in the back, face, torso or wherever her tiny little feet land, my husband is sleeping. I know he's not sleeping as soundly as he would if we didn't have a 14 month old in bed with us, but he's rolled away from the whole situation- he's got his back to his daughter while I've taken on the burden of making sure she doesn't roll off the bed. Granted, it's a burden I've taken on myself, but a burden none the less.
Added to this burden is the complaints about how tired my husband is every morning. "I slept like crap again last night" (can you believe it?) So, in an effort to temporarily ease all of our sleeping issues (and to shut my husband up) my daughter and I have spent the last 2 nights sleeping in the living room on an aero bed. To my husband's defense, it was my idea and I'm really enjoying it. I've got so much more room. I push the bed up against the wall so I don't have to worry about little miss falling off the bed and she's got tons of room to kick all she wants. I know it's not a permanent solution and Ferber himself would bust a nut, but sleep deprivation equals desperation and folks, these are desperate times!

I hope no one's looking!

I'm not sure how I agreed to this, but it's happening, in less than 24 hours and there's nothing I can do now to stop it, lest I want to deprive my kid from a 1/2 hour of fun with her mom- that is if her mom can get over the fact that no one really gives a shit about how nasty she thinks she looks in a swim suit.
My husband has been taking little miss to swimming lessons for the last several Saturdays. Well, this Saturday he can't and I've been delegated to the duty/humiliation and since these lessons are paid for in full, not pay as you go, I'm destined to go, regardless of how much I think my pride and/or dignity may or may not be worth (certainly more than the cost of this swim lesson).
So, I'm going to suck it up (and suck it in) and take my little girl swimming. I know she'll love that I'm actually in the pool with her rather than on the sidelines hiding from her view. I just wish I hadn't eaten that extra helping of take out last night or that I'd passed on birthday cake at work last week and maybe taken the stairs instead of the elevator, etc, etc...

Blech

Poor little miss. This morning when I was dropping her off at xianferns, she started to cough. As she continued to cough, she came over to me with her arms outstretched to pick her up. Just as I reach down to pick her up, she spits up a little (right onto my sister's carpet), I pick her up and she continues to hurl- huge coagulated chunks of whole milk. It kept coming and coming. I had my hand cupped under her mouth in an attempt to catch it and save my sister's carpet and ran for the kitchen. She finally stops and when all is said and done, we're both covered in puke. I'm 10 minutes from punching into work and I've got chunks clinging to my pants. As soon as she stops puking, she's back to her bubbly, cheerful self. My sister gets her a cracker and she goes about her day with her cousins... Unlike my little miss, I did not have an extra set of clothes in my diaper bag so I had to get some from my sister. She was nice enough to give me some hand me downs she'd just gotten from a good friend of ours, so I'm at work now, not wearing my own clothes and though I've washed my hands 5 times, I can still smell puke..

Happy Birthday Little Miss!!

It was a year ago that my daughter was born. A year ago they cut her from my belly and I saw her for the first time. She was red and swollen and beautiful. She had the cutest button nose I'd ever seen and she looked like me.
After I was wheeled back to my hospital room on the night of her birth, I spent the next several hours staring at her. Memorizing every detail of her face and body. I had been imaging her since the moment I found out I was pregnant. I worried that she wouldn't be cute, but raising 2 kids would always tell me that if she wasn't, I'd never know because of the love I'd feel for her. Once she arrived and I understood just what that meant, I felt guilty for ever caring about what she looked like because that is not where my love for her originates. It is something so much deeper and thankfully more profound than that. It's the most terrifying and the most beautiful feeling I've ever experienced.
I'm sad that this year has gone by so quickly, but I am so excited at what this next year will bring. This first year has been full of so much change. She's gone from an infant completely dependent on me to a toddler wanting her independence from me. She walks in front of me like I'm chasing her, even when I'm only trying to keep up. She swings her arm across her high chair tray when she's done eating, sending everything to the floor and her new best dog friends...She's so excited about everything, which in turns thrills me to no end. This next year will only be better and more exciting. I can't wait!
Happy Birthday Little Miss!! I love being your mom and love that you're my daughter even more!

Welcome to the 20th century!

We are slowly advancing into the age of technology. A co-worker gave me a microwave a few weeks ago and I've used it every day since! I told xianfern how I felt like I was finally coming into the 21st century (with the addition of our tivo). She was quick to remind me that I was really only entering the 20th century since microwaves have been around since the 80's. So, unless there's another co-worker who's going to give me a computer or a cell phone, looks like I'll be stuck in 1982 until I can afford it otherwise...

When is a cracker ever a chip?

My daughter loves crackers.... She'll only eat ritz wholewheat crackers lately, which if anyone remembers, probably isn't the best thing for her digestive tract. I think her love for these crackers has something to do with the fact that she can feed them to herself, although I've given her several different varieties of foods cut up on her high chair tray for her to self feed. She's stuck on these ritz crackers, though.
The other night my husband made a yummy roasted chicken with veggies and stuffing, all of which I offered to my picky eater. She wanted nothing to do with any of it. So rather than see her go hungry, which means she'll be awake at 1:00 am wanting a bottle, I go for the crackers. I've been dressing up the crackers with cream cheese or soy cheese to try and add some sort of nutritional value to these plain crackers. I know that it sometimes takes several attempts at introducing a food before she'll take to it, so I'm willing to be patient and give her crackers in the meantime.
My husband sees her snubbing his wonderful cooking again and also sees me getting out the crackers, to which he says "Crackers, again? Gees, you might as well be giving her chips" Um, no, I might be giving her CRACKERS, distinctly different than chips. I know he means that I'm just giving her snack food, but I'm not giving her chips, or french fries or even saltines. I'm giving her whole grain motherfucking crackers! And sometimes with soy cheese...

I'm beginning to love this time of year, although it's cold and I hate winter, I feel myself coming into the January slump. The holidays are over (thankfully) and there's little to do but cozy up inside the house and relax. My husband got me TIVO for Christmas, which I am now referring to as TI-HO, because that is what I am slowly becoming- a ho for tv and rather than make myself feel bad for being a tv slug, I'm embracing it. It's the only bit of technology I have in my house. There's no computer, no video games, not even a microwave. TIVO is the only indication you'll find in my house to prove that we have indeed entered the the 21st century.
The only thing that I find a bit annoying about TIVO is how it judges me. When you program TIVO to record your favorite programs, TIVO takes it one step further and records programs that it thinks you might like based on your previous selections. Great feature, except that I've given TIVO the impression that I'm 12 and into really BAD tv. It has recorded shows like Family Matters and Full House. Ok, so we may have selected an episode or 2 of Wings and Reba on the WB is kind of funny, but Full House? We adamantly rejected these suggestions by giving as many "thumb downs" as TIVO would allow when asked to review their picks. This will prevent TIVO from making these selections in the future. So, for now I'm safe from the Olson twins, but Blossom is still out there, along with Alf and the kids from 7th Heaven.... Maybe we should have invested in satelite radio instead... I miss Howard already.