I need an extreme makeover!

My baby is going to be mobile soon. That terrifies me. It would terrify you too, if you could see the shape of my house. It has been in a state of constant renovation since the moment we moved in 5 years ago. Currently we don't have a ceiling- or at least not the standard ceiling that most people see when they look up. The white, smooth sheetrocked ceiling is a memory to me. Instead we have what's left when you rip a ceiling down-the grid-like look of furring strips and wooden beams. I've gotten used to the look and even tried to convince myself that perhaps we could be starting a new trend in architectural design. However, the ceiling is not what concerns me with regards to my daughter's ability to do more than lay on her blanket, but it is an indication as to just how "in a fix" we are when it comes to home repair. We bit off more than we could chew and now we're choking.
My primary concern is actually the opposite of the ceiling- that's right-the floor. It's carpeted (ick) but in addition getting trashed by the renovation, it has also been attacked by my golden retriever. Roslyn is a sweet dog and I love her dearly, but she has destroyed what's left of our carpet. We'd taken down several walls in our home, which left the carpet frayed in some spots. Roslyn has taken to chewing on those frayed spots so that nail strips are visable and quite painful if you forget where they are at 2:00 in the morning. So, now we have a baby who wants to crawl around and explore her environment. How do I break the news to her? Sorry, your house is just far too dangerous for you to actually do more than sit or sleep. Why don't you wait to crawl on Monday when you go to the sitters? I know what you're thinking- pull up the nail strips, problem solved, right? I wish. I haven't even mentioned the hole under the couch- the hole that if you moved the couch would give you a direct view of my basement. Or the staircase with no handrail. Or the back deck with no handrail. Or the exposed electrical.
Maybe my story's not sad enough for extreme makeover, but it sure brings tears to my eyes!

What's with people backing into parking spaces? I got stuck in a parking lot yesterday waiting for someone to back into their parking space. They had to be perfectly straight, so back and forth, back and forth until it was just right. Is this supposed to be some kind of time saver so when they're ready leave they can just peel out of their parking space? I just don't get it.

Lowly low talkers

I'm here at work and these two co-workers are trying to have a private conversation 12 inches away from me. They're speaking so quietly, that if I didn't know they were right behind me, I might think I was alone. I don't know why I find this so bothersome- it's like a part of me feels a little insulted or left out. What could be so important that they can't speak in audible tones, or at least wait until they have a moment alone? And why do they feel they need to keep it from me? What are they trying to hide?
They're speaking so damn quiet that I can't even eaves drop!

I really am sad that Peter Jennings has passed away. News reporters just aren't what they used to be- they don't have the same kind of self respect and pride that they used to have. They'll seemingly do just about anything to give their story an extra edge. I was watching some nascar event on tv this weekend (only to see the race start- my husband thought it'd be some sort of thrill) and the commentator was sitting in the pit, dressed in a racing outfit! Why? Was he going to jump in when the car came to have his tires changed? Or did he just feel cool, like he was one of the guys down there in the pit? I'm all for dressing for the occasion, but come on- you're not making the report seem more authentic- you're making yourself look like an idiot!

Pinching pennies

We're trying to save some money and stick to a budget. We've never done well at this. The same applies to our health and recent attempts to make it better. We bought a treadmill when I was 8 months pregnant thinking that when I was on my 3 month maternity leave that I would use it to get my body back into the crappy shape it was in before I got pregnant. The only exercise I get on the treadmill now is when I dust it. So, our attempt to pinch pennies is just as insane. My husband will do better at this than he will about getting on the treadmill. He wants a plan to stick to, just not one that says he can't drink a 6 pack or order a cheese pizza. So, the other day after I've been to the grocery store and discovered all sorts of price chopping products, I go to the sink to do a couple of dishes, when I discover a ziploc bag sitting there full of soapy water. I ask my husband what he's doing with this and he tells me he's cleaning it so we can use it again. Uh, when did things get so bad that we can't spring for a 10 cent plastic bag? I don't want to discourage his effort at saving money, so I don't say anymore and I move the plastic bag out of the way so I can wash some dishes. What I should have done was use the soapy water in the recycled ziploc bag to wash my dishes. Correction, that's what he would have done.

When did I start thinking tattoos looked trashy? It wasn't when I was getting a couple of them, that's for sure! My mother warned me that they made you look easy- that it sent out the wrong message. I don't think mine say anything negative about me, but sometimes I see people and their tattoos and I think they look trashy. There's this girl who works in our building and today she had on a sun dress and the tattoo on her ankle made her look so cheap and kind of slutty. Maybe it's more her that projects that image and I'm incorrectly blaming the tattoos. I think that might be it, because really, I'm all for an appropriate amount of body art and I don't at all regret the ones I have. There's just something about big hair and too much make up combined with a smeared rose tattoo on either your ankle or chest that screams I'm a bit of a whore and desparate for attention! Sorry tattoo- it's not you that makes them trashy- they do it all on their own!

Who hired the mean talker?

There's a new girl at work and while I really like her, she's kind of rough on the phone. This wouldn't be so bad if 95% of our day wasn't spent on the phone. When I was first training her, I enjoyed talking with her, sharing stories about our kids and pets (and I still do-she's really a sweetheart. She's got a great sense of humor. She's very friendly- always bringing in cookies and other fattening goodies for us to enjoy. So, with that being said, it was time to cut her loose. Time for her to start working on her own- taking her own phone calls. With me sitting by her side, she takes her first call. It all started off nice enough. She answered professionally, introducing herself with"how can I help you?" I sit and wait to see what her first call would produce and while I can't hear the person on the other end of the phone, I can see the look of confusion on the new girl's face. Then it happens, the beast is awakened and in the most sarcastic and perhaps unprofessional voice I've ever heard she says "you want to know what?? I don't know if your insurance is going to cover this (guffaw) you have to find that out for yourself, that's not my job" Ouch! I think Seinfeld would say she's a mean talker. I know I'm not living a sitcom but it's like bizarro world or something....
She had to call someone yesterday and when she started speaking to the person on the phone, I guess she couldn't hear them very well because she asked if they had their tv on and if they did could they please turn it down? Now those are some baseballs! Yikes!